Prefatory word: The next is a sequence of utterly fictional tales I made up out of entire fabric. Simply in case you don’t consider that names and locations have been modified to guard the harmless from my dumb jokes.
ONE
I wake round ten am. A streak of daylight momentarily blinds me after I open my eyes. I curse as I roll off the bed.
As we speak’s my first day on my new gig. GIGS, technically. See what I did there? One doesn’t must be constrained to the chains of an everyday job. That is 2024, child! Now all that you must earn cash is a cellphone and a automotive. Welcome to the world of supply providers, you go-getting entrepreneur, you!
Anyway that’s what I inform myself as I sip water from a glass, attempting to nurse my bruised ego over shedding a really effectively paying C-suite job for a trucking firm. I used to be cruising alongside in a mid-level administration place when SOMEONE from the next ground determined to start out a kickback scheme for truckers getting fuel rebates. That’s when the Feds raided us. I used to be one in all a number of mid-level managers who have been let go within the ensuing settlement as a method of exhibiting the truckers the corporate “meant enterprise concerning the enterprise of customer support” or some silly shit like that.
Then two nights in the past, as I sat consuming, somebody informed me concerning the supply apps.
“You simply open then if you wish to make cash they usually deliver you orders to meet! You pay for nothing—you’re simply choosing up and delivering stuff to folks. You don’t should drive folks round like with that rideshare stuff. You’re principally alone all day taking orders, creating wealth and listening to your podcasts!”
“I’ve a cellphone and a automotive. I can make cash,” I stated with a smile earlier than downing two extra photographs of Fireball that evening.
As we speak I’m able to make some coin. I open my driver apps. I’m not going to say who I’m working for, however one app appears to be like like these frou-frou reusable grocery baggage hippies take pleasure in and the opposite one’s each man’s favourite cup dimension. That ought to let you know sufficient. One gained’t pay me sufficient alone however I determine I generally is a mercenary and take orders from each as I get them.
Right here’s a short course in how the supply drivers who deliver you shit do their work. First, we drive to what the providers name a “scorching spot” for orders to return by means of. Then we wait till an order to meet pops into our telephones. If we settle for it, we go to the shop listed, choose the order up and drive it to you. If we don’t—effectively, then we don’t receives a commission. That’s why it pays to have a fast set off finger. However I play video video games, so I’m good there.
It’s not straightforward creating wealth like this when everybody’s doing it. Once you stay in a university city you’re most likely going to butt heads with all the children who do that stuff for pizza cash. However I’ve two youngsters, a automotive fee, a mortgage and a $200/week marijuana behavior, so my choices are severely restricted in what I do.
I hearth up a fats joint and settle for my first order for the lunch rush. Turning on “Regulate” by Warren G. and Nate Dogg, I pull out into the road. It’s time to rule the roads.
TWO
My Messages tab on the app dings whereas I’m choosing up a girl’s order from a mid-tier chain restaurant everybody thinks is wholesome however the meals is overpriced and tastes like shit.
“Might you please test my order to verify the whole lot’s within the bag? I don’t wish to sound loopy however that retailer has a foul behavior of leaving stuff out of my baggage!” the girl texts.
“Certain, ma’am, be completely satisfied to.” I reply.
I spend the subsequent 5 minutes going over together with her the whole lot she ordered, checking to verify the whole lot is right and all of the objects for which she paid are literally current.
“You’re good to go, ma’am. I’ll be at your residence in about ten minutes” is the final textual content I ship.
“You’re the perfect!” she replies with a coronary heart emoji.
Once I drop her order off at her entrance door, I get a notification she’s added a $5 tip onto the order for my exemplary service. I respect that. I actually do make it a degree to make sure all of my prospects get what they paid for.
However she’s not loopy. I order stuff from that very same restaurant each week they usually have a horrible tendency to stiff folks’s orders.
That evening I get a “requesting suggestions” e mail from the restaurant. It’s a kind of the place they need you to fill out an in depth survey of your final expertise with them. Since I’ve this woman’s complaints on my thoughts, I truly resolve to fill it out.
I give them dings on customer support, prep, and bagging. Once I’m requested to supply particulars on the destructive ranking, I say the next.
You guys have utterly misplaced your method relating to high quality management. I order from right here weekly and I’ve to ask for elements of my order at the very least two to 3 instances a month which might be lacking. I’ve supply prospects who really feel the identical method and I’m requested to test baggage frequently to verify the whole lot’s within the order. Get your shit collectively.
I’m most likely setting myself up for canine shit or pubic hair to be in my subsequent order from this place. Regardless of being a university city, the consumer base at this restaurant is small so I’m most likely risking getting stooged by my very own phrases.
However I’m doing it for customer support. That’s a noble aspiration nonetheless, proper?
I hit ship, take a rip from a bong and activate “Iron Chef.” Morimoto’s battling some French fool in Battle Porcini. Must be good.
TO BE CONTINUED (Perhaps…)
